• I AM

I AM... Trying to escape

Updated: Jul 3

Today when I look at myself, I see a strong independent woman, however, ask me what I saw in the mirror a year ago I would see a weak child who was driven by the opinions of others. This low self-esteem all stemmed from a relationship which I can now with confidence say was abusive.

When I met this man, I was a teenager, I was drawn to his confidence and charismatic nature. We dated for three years, we had the perfect relationship initially, I had fallen head over heels in love with this man. I thought I was happy. It's only looking back I now see how his behaviour was narcissistic.


I can pinpoint two key elements in which I was controlled and mentally abused over these three years.

  1. Seduction

This man was a skilled manipulator, made me feel as if I could only share my thoughts and fears with him. I started to shut down, I wouldn’t talk to my friends or family. He began to tell me how those close to me were not going to understand how I felt. I believed him. Now to this day when he cannot get a hold of me, or control me he does so through my friends and family. Not normal, right?

2. Idealisation/Co-dependency

“The action of regarding or representing something as perfect or better than in reality”.

He was a good-looking man, with the catch of being a man of many countries, meaning I could travel the world; a passion of mine. I was a person of low self-esteem, I felt I needed someone by my side at all times to be complete. I hadn’t learnt the power of self-love or self-care yet. He knew I had this need to have someone next to me, a confidant. I was brainwashed into believing that person couldn’t be my friends, my family or even myself.

From being strong enough to remove myself from the situation, I have now learnt the power of self-care and self appreciation. I have understood how to value myself and my self worth. That in itself is the most powerful lesson anyone could learn.

The story to my recovery doesn't end here, this is just the beginning. I am at the start of my journey into discovering how to have healthy relationships with men. I look forward to sharing more of my story with @ChangeFoundation.

Written by: Anonymous source.

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