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What it means to be hyper sexual

Updated: Nov 5, 2022

It was 2019 a few days before my 21st birthday; a friend told me, let's call him Mike, to come over to his flat, to collect my birthday gift. We used to hang out a lot together, mainly as we lived a 5-minute walk from each other, so when he called me over, I thought nothing of it.

Mike told me to sit down on a chair, he made me a coffee, and we chatted. Nothing unordinary. He then said he was going to get my birthday present, and he told me to cover my eyes. I waited, eagerly thinking I was going to get a new perfume, or maybe a necklace. I waited and waited. I called his name, "Mike? Where are you?" He then came back and said, "my name is not Mike, it is Sir; You will call me, Sir". I started laughing; I replied, "what the f*** are you talking about, you are being weird". Mike proceeded to stuff my mouth with a scarf and blindfold me and then handcuff me to the chair. I couldn't move, I couldn't call for help. I was stuck, and I knew what was about to happen. I knew there was no escape. I went into a state of shock. He then proceeded to rip my clothes off until I was naked and handcuffed to a chair. He then started to have sex with me, both oral and vaginal penetration. He then removed me from the chair and pinned me on the floor, and had sex with me until he had finished. Once he was 'done', I was left lying on the floor while he went to get changed. I felt violated, used and abused.

I had to go home to my boyfriend, and I couldn't look him in the eye. I started crying; he asked me multiple times what's wrong; I kept repeating "nothing babe". I then took a shower, got changed and went work. Mike was working the same shift with me that evening.

Since that day, I haven't viewed myself the same. I didn't go into a state of never wanted to be touched or be intimate again, like expected. I instead became hypersexual. Obsessive sexual behaviours usually define hypersexuality. After the incident with Mike, I slept with over 35 different men in the space of a year. I would put myself in risky situations; I would do cocaine, drink excessively anything to numb the pain. I did not know how to be a human or how to deal with my emotions anymore. The dangerous situations I put myself in made me feel in control of my life as if something was finally going my way. It took me over a year to realise that the way I was behaving was unhealthy, and take control of my life. To me, it was an unusual response to being raped and abused. Even to this day, I do not talk about it, a part of me is still hypersexual, but the difference now is I have learnt my worth.

I hope me sharing a brief segment of my story will encourage others to talk about their own. It is not an easy topic to discuss, but it is one that is so important to bring to light. I have asked Change Foundation to remain anonymous, purely because I have not had the courage to tell my family about this incident.

If you take anything from story it should be to not hurt in silence, talk to someone; it will only get worse.

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