How to love yourself in this world..

The story begins in the place where most people experience hate for the first time; in high school.

I had many friends and I considered myself pretty happy. I’m a person that likes to talk, likes to mess about and be surrounded by chatter. I always liked talking to everybody as this allowed me to hear new stories and learn more about the world. However not everyone had the best intentions. Intentionally or not, growing up I heard a lot of nasty comments. Sometimes they were “just a joke”. Sometimes it was an observation during discussion. The result is the same: hate.

The hate you build for your own self begins with someone you consider a friend saying, “you have a lot of hair”. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to not take this lightly. But that’s what I did. I usually laughed it off and say something like “… Haha I know right?”. The comments from several people continued and as I grew up, they got worse. I remember a classmate in my English lessons telling me I looked like Asterix (from the comics) because of my facial hair.

People come in many different shapes and of course I wasn’t “skinny” by the standards of my classmates and family. I was called chubby and fat. Looking at photos I can see I was at normal weight range. That term has been engraved in my brain and I have struggled for years to come to terms with it. The judgement from these years has affected my confidence and mental health. There are days that I cannot stand the person looking back at me in the mirror. Those days I don’t feel like doing anything and usually end up staying home because the thought of someone looking at my “flaws” is too much.

However, most days I fight these thoughts. The Instagram models are just another shape, different to mine. They are as unique as I am. My worth is not linked to my appearance even if society convinces me otherwise. Most days I make an active effort to say kind things about me. Most days I look at my smile in the mirror and forget everything else. Most days I choose to be beautiful. Most days I forgive myself for believing the bad comments over the good ones.

Although this is my experience, I know that a lot of people will relate. There is enough hate in the world. Do not add to it by hating yourself.